When Is the Right Time to Let Go of Micromanaging?

We talk to many parents concerned about their teen’s future. Will their child be able to handle high school? . . . college? . . . a job?

They’ve seen their children struggle mightily with learning challenges. As a result, they’ve become tireless advocates, involved in the daily hurdles their children have faced. Naturally, they want their children to succeed as independent learners, equipped with the skills and strategies necessary.

Letting Go

Knowing how and when to let go can be difficult. For every parent-teen relationship, though, there comes a time when parents need to let go of micromanaging their child’s daily academic life.

While taking increased responsibility for their own lives as they mature into young adults is empowering for students, it’s normal for parents to feel anxious, especially when students have difficulty following up on basic tasks. By collaborating and creating routines and systems, parents and students can help build autonomy and gradually withdraw parental intervention.

Whenever Possible, Teens Can and Should: 

• Make their own lunches. By choosing what is in their lunch, they are more likely to eat what they’ve made.
• Create organization systems for their backpacks and Google drive, tweaking and adjusting as needed. Of course, no system is perfect, so flexibility is key.
• Share a calendar with parents so that everyone is aware of the others’ commitments and schedules.
• Get help from teachers with organizing papers and editing. Parental assistance should be limited to spelling and grammar.
• Manage their own schedules. For example, they should connect with tutors and teachers to set up and cancel meetings with appropriate notice, and prepare for meetings and sessions with a simple agenda.

Building Independent Learners

Students also benefit from mentoring and adult modeling with regards to planning, organization, writing, and self-advocacy. Parents are often ill-suited to do this sort of work with their own adolescent and young adult children because they tend to become overly involved, thus unwittingly enabling dependence.

All SOS4Students workshops and executive function coaching teach the tools students need to grow into independent and self-reliant learners. Our focus is on mastering executive function skills and overcoming learning differences and other challenges so students are set up for lifetimes of competence, confidence, and success.